No Ooo's No Ahh's No Audience

by I am not a Nihilist

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1.
Son, take my advice ‘Cause it doesn't get any easier Fight the battles you can win Ignore the rest And don't you dream so high Come down and join us I see you Old Man A picture perfect version of me circa 1973 But you’re bigger, stronger, with eyes that look straight at me I guess you’re better genetically And for that I blame my mother Down the hall I saw the cat paw At your head waiting to be fed Previously I'd never seen you move so quickly To please my mother, sister or me For a man who hates dogs The cat’s your best friend And don’t get me wrong he grieved Well, momentarily Happiness is a full belly You’re gonna die in that arm chair Facing the sea I said you’re gonna die in that arm chair Your beloved sea is on TV When we were young You took us fishing Let’s slit some stomachs To see what they’ve been eating. ‘Cause if we are no more Than the shit that we've been reared on Then I am you right before you got shat on But a lesson learned is a lesson lived And I’d rather life rub my nose in But I’ll take your hindsight advice and scream You're going to have to beat it out of me I said you’re gonna die in that arm chair Facing the sea I said you’re gonna die in that arm chair Your beloved sea is on TV I said cowards give up You told me only faggots keep a diary So, just lay down and die There is on sense in even trying
2.
Haunt Me 03:54
‘Cause we lived in a house in the sky They built us stairs to climb And oh, how the blue sky Still loves it’s grey sides Why would you ever think That you could fly? And if I was there Would you have taken me with you? To then pull through my ribs and leave But still I’d forgive you Or at least I’d try But why would you ever think That you could fly? I want you to haunt me Even in this new house This lower to the ground house Occupy these walls And we’ll call them mine and yours I want you to haunt me So that we can be in love
3.
Wake up in the morning Get well fed Chase that apple cart back to bed Then it’s easy Repeat More than sacks The clothes on our backs Slide in To our second skins And they were the ones And they have wronged So the rest are hangers on Our ancestors The apple eaters Our ancestors The apple eaters For heavens sake Why not the shovel through the snake? ‘Cause it’s easier To sit and listen You’ll eat the fruit She’ll bare the fruit in her loins And you’ll follow her down You’ll follow your penis And they were the ones And they have wronged So the rest are hangers on Our ancestors The apple eaters Our ancestors The apple eaters We the apple eaters
4.
I can see it That he can see it That she’s leaving Cause making love every night gets boring Sometimes I’d rather be fucked Sometimes I’d just rather be fucked Your soft touch really irritates my skin Sometimes I would rather be punched But it’s always what I can’t have This is reproduction This is how to start a family You can quit your job and practice your baking I’ll buy us a new car and some household appliances Protect us with life and other applicable insurances Sometimes I just can’t be fucked Sometimes I would rather be punched I’m on the outside and I’m just looking in I’m on the inside and I can’t help peering out I’m on her breast, so this world does not exist But she won’t wean me Fucking feed me And she’s gone Cause sometimes the babying gets boring Sometimes it really irritates my skin Sometimes I would rather be fucked Sometimes I would rather be punched
5.
Callus 03:07
Hands, Shaking hands Let me hold you Forget our forsaken plans And lets make a new And soon we’ll fall out of love Like they all do Into the holds of habit Won't you make my breakfast? I am everything without you I am everything without you We were cripples in the mind Bandits in the bedroom I am everything without you We would only marry in spite And you would have told me that I grew on you (in you) We don’t fit like gloves More like old shoes Gone are our blisters and bruises We are hardened heals This is the strength Our love but a callus Full body length And I am everything without you I am everything without you We were cripples in the mind Bandits in the bedroom I am everything without you
6.
Sail Through 03:51
Never want to take things too far But you pushed and pushed, so I just let myself go Watched you cry and cry all trip in the car To the 24 hour pharmacy For the pill you forgot last night Now its morning Just want to change your tide Can’t wait for the moon to affect you Just want to change your tide And let us sail through. So what if you tripped and feel Well of course I’d catch you Your sea legs never did fair well But what if I forgot to catch you when you’re falling? Just want to change your tide Can’t wait for the moon to affect you Just want to change your tide Can’t wait for the moon to affect you Just want to change your tide And let us sail through. ‘Cause there’s many times I’ve loved you More than this
7.
Company 04:00
Was that love? Or we're we just lonely? Was just attachment To a warm body? It began And we began to compromise At first you found me endearing But how I’ve watched that wear thin In more than just your eyes Sexually unsatisfied Intellectually unsatisfied Lying in the wrong bed Such lonely company This is me cheapening our love And how I long for a time Oh, when I had the mind To sugar coat or not say this Sexually unsatisfied Intellectually unsatisfied Lying in the wrong bed Such lonely Company
8.
When grew up I always wanted to be a clown And in a way I have succeeded But no more than any other man For our intelligence we are all idiots It was grade six and all us boys were outside playing fools Chasing birds, ruffling feathers, just waiting for our mothers While these smart ass bitches are inside growing breasts and learning how to use them In mothers first lesson; manipulation Learn to take a situation and shape it. And this here flesh right on your chest This is how we bait them And they are yours So use your assets Yes they are yours So use your assets So, you think that I am a misogynist Is that why none of you want to fuck me? You think that I am a misogynist Is that why none of you want to fuck me? ‘Cause you’re all smarter than me ‘Cause I only realised Lying is what it takes Now all I see is those damn grade six girls I was born a chauvinist So you let my sister bash me Stab me with her pen And now I'm bleeding blue But she has punched herself in the arm And turned the waterworks on So of course you will believe her Because boys will be boys And they are little shits And they develop so slow There just little idiots Who eat us out of house and home And make so much fucking noise And she's never lied before Is what I hear as they smack me in the ass So for a second lesson; crying works So you better learn to fake it Just like orgasms, Milk them for all they’re worth This is how me break men And they are yours So use your assets Yes they are yours So use your assets So, you think that I am a misogynist Is that why none of you want to fuck me? So, you think that I am a misogynist Is that why none of you want to fuck me? But it was you that drove me to this And now you want to blame me Yes they are yours So use your assets
9.
We all talk so matter-of-factly Each of us is always right Until of course one of us is wrong Large loud mouths All of us But only the men fish The women just take the bait That’s how it always starts And the voices carry across the kitchen there is no room to breathe And this is love, this is friction This is my family And each night the curlew cries We are self-confident More-over we are arrogant It seems that ignorance runs In my family But I may be an immaculate conception ‘Cause my father thinks he is god And I guess in some metaphorical way Jesus was a test tube baby I wish my father was a turkey baster I wish he didn’t look like me I wish that blood were as thick as water In my family And each night the curlew cry
10.
When I was young I would get dragged on dad’s fishing trips Because Mum said take an interest So I was 14, camping with my Dad and my only friend Who is not my dad, ‘cause we were never friends Then lying around on the ground I found A packet of cigarettes We’ll go around town and we’ll pick up girls with them We’re on holidays With a packet of holidays We’re on holidays With a packet of holidays Searching for a light Aren’t we all searching for a light Some sort of light Sometimes if we were lucky Dad would impart us with Pieces of his wisdom Like When searching for girls Sluts are the best kind ‘Cause if they don’t put out they are a waste of time So with a wink He then informed us that he would vacate the tent till around ten So into the night we went We were on holidays With a packet of holidays We were on holidays With a packet of holidays Bum puffing not to cough Bum puffing not to cough Still in the end we choked
11.
We watched the blues intertwine At the merger of the sea and sky Stood still watched the clouds roll by ‘Cause when were moving they just seem to stand still They just seem to stand still In the body behind this wondrous glass eye Lives a brain and heart in fight But these thoughts on paper They’re all on the bright side Glossed over and on the bright side Flipping through these memories Yes, the page the picture won’t lie The present seems so ordinary Until played through our hindsight The past overtakes our hearts If you feel sad Why don’t you sleep on it? Forget what hurt feels like Pile it up underneath your mattress These peas will bruise you at night These seeds, plants in our dreams In sleep these seeds Under the moonlight Shapes, memories Like trees to the sunlight Season’s cycle The leaves came and went And we’ll watch them grow To fall off again Slowly, Surely Reality, Sorely This photograph and its back-story And like all good stories It started with a meet cute So my mind started drawing Caricatures of the good in you But as then guessing came to knowing Some scars had starting showing Where you’d been too And the drawings started changing From their fictional shadings To the colours of you It said Mistaken as a warm heart, this hot head and warm skin Has just been heated by the sun that you’ve been soaking in But the face behind the mask won’t laugh It plays the devils advocate Because it knows You can’t show love through sadness That’s why I’m smiling
12.
Shark Fins 03:43
Who’s the one who stole your arms And lay the twigs in your bed? Tucked you in, tight at night Left to feed the chickens With piled up wax lettuce boxes He’ll build colossal structures To house the cats and dogs And if it were up to him You’d be eating shark fins If it were up to him You’d be eating shark fins Swallowing down with a mouthful of lemonade And he won’t go hungry Thank your withering appetite Because this slop the patients hate Well, he seems to like He wouldn’t let you go to Germany He wouldn’t let you go to Prague You can’t move, and he won’t But his skin will crawl At the sight of your bed sores If it were up to him You’d be eating shark fins If it were up to him You’d be eating shark fins If it were up to him You’d be eating shark fins For your last meal For your last meal And I cried Princess Di Had died Trapped in a tunnel By the lights on either side And Kerrie’s much bigger So she didn’t cry. When she stubbed her toe, or the guinea pigs died
13.
Father's Day 04:54
Our house got in the way Of you trying to paint the whole world brown But now our stairs are turning grey From how the sun and rain came down But she won’t get what she wants ‘Till she gives what you need No she won’t get what she wants ‘Till she gives what you need On soft feathers rest your head And don’t forget to water down your days So you can sleep straight away Holes and cracks are in our walls You threw her through the cheap plasterboard Just ‘cause you were bored She’s not your whore When it’s one plus one Is two like father like son? And if that’s what I’ll become Ashamed of where I came from And the children hear And the children hear That you aren’t asleep And the children hear And the children hear That you aren’t asleep Outside in the warming sun Everyone is happy when they’re under your eyes We’re stable on the surface that’s all that counts When your children all respect you You’re in love with your wife But you’ll get what you deserve And I’ll give to you my word I can’t forget the things I heard So you’ll get what you deserve On Fathers Day Must have been every time I grew up I told her to leave But then I gave up ‘Cause she said he would get a gun And she said he would kill someone She said he would get a gun And she said he would kill someone But she wouldn’t let anyone else Do anything that she could do herself And when its one plus one Is two like father like son?
14.
Proverbs 3;5-6 says That I’m a controlling bastard For I trust in no lord, no lover And to understand has always been my problem Misunderstood, could care less And I’ve been looking through your photos again And I don’t like your haircut or your game face Or to see you smiling with other men That just want to fuck you with your best dress on Oh how, how I want you in morning So sit me down To cool off Hold me down And hose me off So, I guess all that’s left Is to go home and murder my prospective children From a twinkle in my eye A tissue in my bin So there’s your proof Of the things I let go of And I bet that mum wishes That’s how dad took out his frustration Oh she wouldn’t need to blame some faulty contraception I want to be the memory of your mistaken pill baby So take me to the river Teach me how to swim Strip me off and throw me in And if it be his will That I may drown I’d be Baptised a bastard Trust In Trust In If I dare Thin air

about

This album could be much better. It could have been written better, played on better instruments and recorded better. But it wasn’t. To me this album is merely a purge of memories and stories that seemed to come to a head in the last few years. Some of these songs are four years old, where as some were written only days before recording them. Now listening back, it is quite a relief, as I never thought I would find the time or motivation to actually record them.

Originally this album was entitled ‘I am an Accountant’, however after leaving the corporate world behind, it didn’t really seem fitting anymore, as I had found the courage (or stupidity) to make a decision with my own mind.

The final title of this album alludes to my opinion of a lot of today’s music. All ooos and ahhs, sounds over songs, audience over art. I made this album for myself, for my songs and I hope that in 20 years I can look back and cringe at all of them, as some people have at the few live performances I have played in recent years. For this reason the album was recorded live, just me and my guitar ‘Biscuit’.

The album was recorded across three sessions in Redcliffe, Queensland by my friends Callum Wheeler and Nicholas Rowan in February and March of 2011. I cannot thank, Mark and Robin Wheeler enough for the use of their house and also for their hospitality.

I could really care less if people like this album or not, as this was not its purpose. The only thing I ask of listeners is to remember that ‘I am not a Nihilist’.

credits

released August 12, 2011

Also songs written by Mark Slobodzian (markzian.com)

Recorded by Callum Wheeler and Nicholas Rowan (Fine Goods Productions) finegoods.com.au
Mixed by Callum Wheeler
Mastered by David Browne

Cover photo by Callum Wheeler
Track Photos by Mark Slobodzian & Nadia Raineri

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Mark Zian Brisbane, Australia

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