No Ooo's No Ahh's No Audience

by I am not a Nihilist

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about

This album could be much better. It could have been written better, played on better instruments and recorded better. But it wasn’t. To me this album is merely a purge of memories and stories that seemed to come to a head in the last few years. Some of these songs are four years old, where as some were written only days before recording them. Now listening back, it is quite a relief, as I never thought I would find the time or motivation to actually record them.

Originally this album was entitled ‘I am an Accountant’, however after leaving the corporate world behind, it didn’t really seem fitting anymore, as I had found the courage (or stupidity) to make a decision with my own mind.

The final title of this album alludes to my opinion of a lot of today’s music. All ooos and ahhs, sounds over songs, audience over art. I made this album for myself, for my songs and I hope that in 20 years I can look back and cringe at all of them, as some people have at the few live performances I have played in recent years. For this reason the album was recorded live, just me and my guitar ‘Biscuit’.

The album was recorded across three sessions in Redcliffe, Queensland by my friends Callum Wheeler and Nicholas Rowan in February and March of 2011. I cannot thank, Mark and Robin Wheeler enough for the use of their house and also for their hospitality.

I could really care less if people like this album or not, as this was not its purpose. The only thing I ask of listeners is to remember that ‘I am not a Nihilist’.

credits

released August 12, 2011

Also songs written by Mark Slobodzian (markzian.com)

Recorded by Callum Wheeler and Nicholas Rowan (Fine Goods Productions) finegoods.com.au
Mixed by Callum Wheeler
Mastered by David Browne

Cover photo by Callum Wheeler
Track Photos by Mark Slobodzian & Nadia Raineri

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Track Name: The Old Man & The Sea
Son, take my advice
‘Cause it doesn't get any easier
Fight the battles you can win
Ignore the rest
And don't you dream so high
Come down and join us

I see you Old Man
A picture perfect version of me circa 1973
But you’re bigger, stronger, with eyes that look straight at me
I guess you’re better genetically
And for that I blame my mother

Down the hall I saw the cat paw
At your head waiting to be fed
Previously I'd never seen you move so quickly
To please my mother, sister or me

For a man who hates dogs
The cat’s your best friend
And don’t get me wrong he grieved
Well, momentarily
Happiness is a full belly

You’re gonna die in that arm chair
Facing the sea
I said you’re gonna die in that arm chair
Your beloved sea is on TV

When we were young
You took us fishing
Let’s slit some stomachs
To see what they’ve been eating.
‘Cause if we are no more
Than the shit that we've been reared on
Then I am you right before you got shat on
But a lesson learned is a lesson lived
And I’d rather life rub my nose in
But I’ll take your hindsight advice and scream
You're going to have to beat it out of me

I said you’re gonna die in that arm chair
Facing the sea
I said you’re gonna die in that arm chair
Your beloved sea is on TV

I said cowards give up
You told me only faggots keep a diary
So, just lay down and die
There is on sense in even trying
Track Name: Haunt Me
‘Cause we lived in a house in the sky
They built us stairs to climb
And oh, how the blue sky
Still loves it’s grey sides

Why would you ever think
That you could fly?

And if I was there
Would you have taken me with you?
To then pull through my ribs and leave
But still I’d forgive you

Or at least I’d try
But why would you ever think
That you could fly?

I want you to haunt me

Even in this new house
This lower to the ground house
Occupy these walls
And we’ll call them mine and yours

I want you to haunt me

So that we can be in love
Track Name: The Apple Eaters
Wake up in the morning
Get well fed
Chase that apple cart back to bed
Then it’s easy
Repeat

More than sacks
The clothes on our backs
Slide in
To our second skins

And they were the ones
And they have wronged
So the rest are hangers on

Our ancestors
The apple eaters
Our ancestors
The apple eaters

For heavens sake
Why not the shovel through the snake?
‘Cause it’s easier
To sit and listen

You’ll eat the fruit
She’ll bare the fruit in her loins
And you’ll follow her down
You’ll follow your penis

And they were the ones
And they have wronged
So the rest are hangers on

Our ancestors
The apple eaters
Our ancestors
The apple eaters
We the apple eaters
Track Name: A Longing for Rough Sex
I can see it
That he can see it
That she’s leaving
Cause making love every night gets boring
Sometimes I’d rather be fucked
Sometimes I’d just rather be fucked
Your soft touch really irritates my skin
Sometimes I would rather be punched
But it’s always what I can’t have

This is reproduction
This is how to start a family
You can quit your job and practice your baking
I’ll buy us a new car and some household appliances
Protect us with life and other applicable insurances
Sometimes I just can’t be fucked
Sometimes I would rather be punched

I’m on the outside and I’m just looking in
I’m on the inside and I can’t help peering out
I’m on her breast, so this world does not exist
But she won’t wean me
Fucking feed me
And she’s gone

Cause sometimes the babying gets boring
Sometimes it really irritates my skin
Sometimes I would rather be fucked
Sometimes I would rather be punched
Track Name: Callus
Hands,
Shaking hands
Let me hold you
Forget our forsaken plans
And lets make a new
And soon we’ll fall out of love
Like they all do
Into the holds of habit
Won't you make my breakfast?

I am everything without you
I am everything without you
We were cripples in the mind
Bandits in the bedroom
I am everything without you

We would only marry in spite
And you would have told me that I grew on you (in you)
We don’t fit like gloves
More like old shoes
Gone are our blisters and bruises
We are hardened heals
This is the strength
Our love but a callus
Full body length

And I am everything without you
I am everything without you
We were cripples in the mind
Bandits in the bedroom
I am everything without you
Track Name: Sail Through
Never want to take things too far
But you pushed and pushed, so I just let myself go
Watched you cry and cry all trip in the car
To the 24 hour pharmacy
For the pill you forgot last night
Now its morning

Just want to change your tide
Can’t wait for the moon to affect you
Just want to change your tide
And let us sail through.

So what if you tripped and feel
Well of course I’d catch you
Your sea legs never did fair well
But what if I forgot to catch you when you’re falling?

Just want to change your tide
Can’t wait for the moon to affect you
Just want to change your tide
Can’t wait for the moon to affect you
Just want to change your tide
And let us sail through.

‘Cause there’s many times I’ve loved you
More than this
Track Name: Company
Was that love?
Or we're we just lonely?
Was just attachment
To a warm body?

It began
And we began to compromise
At first you found me endearing
But how I’ve watched that wear thin
In more than just your eyes

Sexually unsatisfied
Intellectually unsatisfied
Lying in the wrong bed
Such lonely company

This is me cheapening our love
And how I long for a time
Oh, when I had the mind
To sugar coat or not say this

Sexually unsatisfied
Intellectually unsatisfied
Lying in the wrong bed
Such lonely Company
Track Name: Grade Six Girls
When grew up I always wanted to be a clown
And in a way I have succeeded
But no more than any other man
For our intelligence we are all idiots
It was grade six and all us boys were outside playing fools
Chasing birds, ruffling feathers, just waiting for our mothers
While these smart ass bitches are inside growing breasts
and learning how to use them

In mothers first lesson; manipulation
Learn to take a situation and shape it.
And this here flesh right on your chest
This is how we bait them

And they are yours
So use your assets
Yes they are yours
So use your assets

So, you think that I am a misogynist
Is that why none of you want to fuck me?
You think that I am a misogynist
Is that why none of you want to fuck me?
‘Cause you’re all smarter than me
‘Cause I only realised
Lying is what it takes
Now all I see is those damn grade six girls

I was born a chauvinist
So you let my sister bash me
Stab me with her pen
And now I'm bleeding blue
But she has punched herself in the arm
And turned the waterworks on
So of course you will believe her
Because boys will be boys
And they are little shits
And they develop so slow
There just little idiots
Who eat us out of house and home
And make so much fucking noise
And she's never lied before
Is what I hear as they smack me in the ass

So for a second lesson; crying works
So you better learn to fake it
Just like orgasms,
Milk them for all they’re worth
This is how me break men

And they are yours
So use your assets
Yes they are yours
So use your assets

So, you think that I am a misogynist
Is that why none of you want to fuck me?
So, you think that I am a misogynist
Is that why none of you want to fuck me?
But it was you that drove me to this
And now you want to blame me
Yes they are yours
So use your assets
Track Name: Immaculate Conception
We all talk so matter-of-factly
Each of us is always right
Until of course one of us is wrong

Large loud mouths
All of us
But only the men fish
The women just take the bait
That’s how it always starts
And the voices carry across the kitchen
there is no room to breathe
And this is love, this is friction
This is my family
And each night the curlew cries

We are self-confident
More-over we are arrogant
It seems that ignorance runs
In my family
But I may be an immaculate conception
‘Cause my father thinks he is god
And I guess in some metaphorical way
Jesus was a test tube baby

I wish my father was a turkey baster
I wish he didn’t look like me
I wish that blood were as thick as water
In my family
And each night the curlew cry
Track Name: Holidays (with a packet of Holidays)
When I was young I would get dragged on dad’s fishing trips
Because Mum said take an interest
So I was 14, camping with my Dad and my only friend
Who is not my dad, ‘cause we were never friends

Then lying around on the ground I found
A packet of cigarettes
We’ll go around town and we’ll pick up girls with them

We’re on holidays
With a packet of holidays
We’re on holidays
With a packet of holidays
Searching for a light
Aren’t we all searching for a light
Some sort of light

Sometimes if we were lucky
Dad would impart us with
Pieces of his wisdom
Like
When searching for girls
Sluts are the best kind
‘Cause if they don’t put out
they are a waste of time
So with a wink
He then informed us that he would vacate the tent till around ten
So into the night we went

We were on holidays
With a packet of holidays
We were on holidays
With a packet of holidays
Bum puffing not to cough
Bum puffing not to cough
Still in the end we choked
Track Name: The Photograph (& it's backstory)
We watched the blues intertwine
At the merger of the sea and sky
Stood still watched the clouds roll by
‘Cause when were moving they just seem to stand still
They just seem to stand still

In the body behind this wondrous glass eye
Lives a brain and heart in fight
But these thoughts on paper
They’re all on the bright side
Glossed over and on the bright side

Flipping through these memories
Yes, the page the picture won’t lie
The present seems so ordinary
Until played through our hindsight
The past overtakes our hearts

If you feel sad
Why don’t you sleep on it?
Forget what hurt feels like
Pile it up underneath your mattress
These peas will bruise you at night
These seeds, plants in our dreams

In sleep these seeds
Under the moonlight
Shapes, memories
Like trees to the sunlight

Season’s cycle
The leaves came and went
And we’ll watch them grow
To fall off again

Slowly,
Surely
Reality,
Sorely
This photograph and its back-story

And like all good stories
It started with a meet cute
So my mind started drawing
Caricatures of the good in you

But as then guessing came to knowing
Some scars had starting showing
Where you’d been too

And the drawings started changing
From their fictional shadings
To the colours of you

It said
Mistaken as a warm heart, this hot head and warm skin
Has just been heated by the sun that you’ve been soaking in

But the face behind the mask won’t laugh
It plays the devils advocate
Because it knows
You can’t show love through sadness
That’s why I’m smiling
Track Name: Shark Fins
Who’s the one who stole your arms
And lay the twigs in your bed?
Tucked you in, tight at night
Left to feed the chickens

With piled up wax lettuce boxes
He’ll build colossal structures
To house the cats and dogs

And if it were up to him
You’d be eating shark fins
If it were up to him
You’d be eating shark fins
Swallowing down with a mouthful of lemonade

And he won’t go hungry
Thank your withering appetite
Because this slop the patients hate
Well, he seems to like

He wouldn’t let you go to Germany
He wouldn’t let you go to Prague
You can’t move, and he won’t
But his skin will crawl
At the sight of your bed sores

If it were up to him
You’d be eating shark fins
If it were up to him
You’d be eating shark fins
If it were up to him
You’d be eating shark fins

For your last meal
For your last meal

And I cried
Princess Di
Had died
Trapped in a tunnel
By the lights on either side
And Kerrie’s much bigger
So she didn’t cry.
When she stubbed her toe, or the guinea pigs died
Track Name: Father's Day
Our house got in the way
Of you trying to paint the whole world brown
But now our stairs are turning grey
From how the sun and rain came down

But she won’t get what she wants
‘Till she gives what you need
No she won’t get what she wants
‘Till she gives what you need

On soft feathers rest your head
And don’t forget to water down your days
So you can sleep straight away

Holes and cracks are in our walls
You threw her through the cheap plasterboard
Just ‘cause you were bored
She’s not your whore

When it’s one plus one
Is two like father like son?
And if that’s what I’ll become
Ashamed of where I came from

And the children hear
And the children hear
That you aren’t asleep

And the children hear
And the children hear
That you aren’t asleep

Outside in the warming sun
Everyone is happy when they’re under your eyes
We’re stable on the surface that’s all that counts
When your children all respect you
You’re in love with your wife

But you’ll get what you deserve
And I’ll give to you my word
I can’t forget the things I heard
So you’ll get what you deserve
On Fathers Day
Must have been every time I grew up
I told her to leave
But then I gave up

‘Cause she said he would get a gun
And she said he would kill someone
She said he would get a gun
And she said he would kill someone

But she wouldn’t let anyone else
Do anything that she could do herself

And when its one plus one
Is two like father like son?
Track Name: Baptised a Bastard
Proverbs 3;5-6 says
That I’m a controlling bastard
For I trust in no lord, no lover
And to understand has always been my problem
Misunderstood, could care less

And I’ve been looking through your photos again
And I don’t like your haircut or your game face
Or to see you smiling with other men
That just want to fuck you with your best dress on
Oh how, how I want you in morning

So sit me down
To cool off
Hold me down
And hose me off

So, I guess all that’s left
Is to go home and murder my prospective children
From a twinkle in my eye
A tissue in my bin
So there’s your proof
Of the things I let go of
And I bet that mum wishes
That’s how dad took out his frustration
Oh she wouldn’t need to blame some faulty contraception
I want to be the memory of your mistaken pill baby

So take me to the river
Teach me how to swim
Strip me off and throw me in
And if it be his will
That I may drown
I’d be
Baptised a bastard
Trust
In
Trust
In
If I dare
Thin air